What the Tuck(man)

On chaos, progress, and one very pink bathroom

We have all been there. We start a project, group or otherwise, with hope and excitement, looking forward to the satisfaction of a job well done.

At least, for a few moments.

You would think that once we have set expectations, laid out detailed plans, met together, and assigned tasks, everyone would just… do the thing, right? Not exactly.

Whether it is giving directions to a group of first graders, planning a family vacation, or painting your bathroom pink (which I did recently, highly recommend), humans are notorious for thinking linearly, but achieving in a loop-de-loop.

Fortunately, there is a phrase for that. In the mid-60s, psychologist Bruce W. Tuckman introduced the stages of group development—a model still widely cited today. The stages include “forming, storming, norming, performing, and adjourning.”

The idea is simple. First, teams come together with a common goal. They set expectations, delegate tasks, and determine next steps. It is the best group ever, and there are no issues. Yet.

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Everyone is very polite to one another and lives in the “Land of Nice.” This is forming.

Then, miscommunication happens, team members begin to push back and ask more direct questions, and frustration can (and does) happen. Welcome, storming. Teams or individuals may feel stuck, frustrated, and confused here. It can be a very uncomfortable spot, especially when individuals have different capacities for discomfort. “I do not like confrontation” does not really fly here, unless one person is doing the thinking and moving and the rest of the team is decidedly silent.

To move to norming, team members identify the sticky spots, become more comfortable seeking clarification, and work together more cohesively. They see progress towards the goals or vision, and the structures put in place start proving their worth. “Clarity is kindness” has become a go-to mantra, and things are moving and grooving.

Tuckman’s Team Development Model

Finally, like any Hallmark movie, the team starts making progress and (hopefully) crushes their goal. They are, indeed, performing. Collective efficacy (the belief that when we learn together and work together, we are more successful) is evident, and there is a shared sense of identity and belonging. It’s a nice place to visit, but it’s impossible to stay here, just like an all-inclusive vacation.

The team then disbands, says thank you so much for that journey, and adjourns.

I have used this model for many years, and I have noticed a few things. First, “storming” and “norming” are interchangeable. They go back and forth fluidly, and “storming” can occasionally sneak into “performing” because she is sneaky and very dramatic.

Second, this model can be used in every part of your life- your work, play, even your daily activities. In my classroom, I went through these stages throughout the year, throughout the week, and even throughout each day. Every home project I’ve ever undertaken has also followed this pattern.

Let us take my ADHD adventure of deciding to paint my bathroom pink- here is an unfiltered peek into my brain (you are welcome and/or I am sorry).

My supervisor, Daisy

Forming

The hall bathroom is boring and gray. I have been watching way too many dopamine decor videos on Instagram, and I will paint the bathroom pink. I have had this dream since lunch, and no one can stop me. It cannot be that difficult.

Off I go to my local hardware store to buy every single item I need to do this simple task in less than six hours.

Storming/Norming

Damn, paint is expensive. I forgot that you should probably prime. Do I really need to prime? Kyle said yes. Ughhhh that’s going to take forever. Oh well, I will do it.

Did I really need to paint the ceiling as well? Yes, it will look incredible when it is done. Whoops! Got some primer on the tile. Oh lord, there is primer everywhere. Good thing I cleaned the bathroom before I did this.

I am so glad Josephine is helping me. She is such a good kid. Welp, she got bored and ditched me. I am le’ tired. How long does primer take to dry? 24 hours!? God help me. I am starving. Did I forget to eat today?

Honestly, just the primer looks much improved. I’m so glad I did this.

Performing(and perhaps storming)

Phew! After some rest and food and allowing the primer to fully dry (which was torture, by the way), it is time for PINK PAINT.

Oh my GOODNESS this is so CUTE! I am so glad I primed- this is a masterpiece. Look how pink it is! Kyle is going to roll his eyes so hard. I do not care. This bathroom is the happiest bathroom there ever was. Whoops, there are paint splatters everywhere. That’s okay. Perfection is boring, and I am neither.

Why did I paint the ceiling again? My body hurts. I cannot wait to add more decor. This is so happy. I am so glad I did this.

Adjourning

I would not say she’s finished, but LOOK!!!

Using Tuckman’s model in my work and everyday life has helped me reframe those tough, trying, or tricky moments. Too often we try to bypass, rush through, or ignore storming times in our lives. When we do that, though, we miss powerful opportunities to reflect and grow. I have found that by simply naming the setback or conflict, I am empowered to face them with more clarity and confidence. Besides, how boring would our time on earth be if the boat never rocked a lil’ bit?

So, how will you “what the Tuck(man)” this week? In your work? At home? With family? Making dinner? The opportunities are truly endless.

Have so much fun!

Kell